somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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