i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you win again, gameday.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
