just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize