my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
