Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
If its not for food we ain't going out.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
