I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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