who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
