No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
we're making bets on your personal life
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
