Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
