Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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