paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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