I want to walk on stilts...naked
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
What drink are we having for lunch?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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