Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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