Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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