my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
