Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize