Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
