he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
