Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
