Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize