be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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