Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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