Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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