A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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