Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
