i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
