I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize