oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
