I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We talked him into tasing himself.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
