I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
