Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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