I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i love accidental penises.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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