TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
