I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
