Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
