ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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