She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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