My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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