so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
