I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
