im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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