Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
