he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize