you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
