Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
