Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
