I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
