oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We have so much sex to catch up on
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
