we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
