I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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