this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
