i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
