have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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