What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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