dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
