This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
