i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
