So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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