Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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