Already got asked if we're dating
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
