I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
