if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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