i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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