Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
