I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
