My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
