The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
