Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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