finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize