There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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