I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just had sex on a roof
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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