Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
