omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
