I wish I could punch you in the face.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
