I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
