who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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