i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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