i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
