had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize