i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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