I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
