I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
