Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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