That's intense
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
