Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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