At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I could make wine with my vomit
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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