So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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