Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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