did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
