oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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