Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
