I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize