i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
