Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
this is an emotional support booty call
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