You're so nebulous sometimes
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize