He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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