Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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