Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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