Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
