the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
