I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
