Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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