seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
